I'm not your fat yoga teacher
I'm not your curvy
plus size
body-positive
Instagram-envelope-pushing
guru.
I don't want to be
your daughter's
niece's
sister's
or
your
role model.
I am not your fat yoga teacher
no matter how much better
you feel on your mat
because of my size.
We're not playing that game.
I'm not playing this game.
The game where
you look at me
and you think,
I'll give her a complement
I'll tell her how much better I feel
on my mat
because she's not
like
your typical "anorexic" yoga teacher.
That is NOT a complement.
That is NOT love.
That is NOT yoga.
Suppose
my body changes
like all bodies do
and suddenly I no longer
look the way you need me to look
in order to feel like you belong
on your mat.
You're playing with fire.
You're only hurting yourself.
See
this is the damage we cause
ourselves
each other
ourselves
each other
me
you
me.
I am not
your fat yoga teacher.
I am
Erica Jacobs.
A Few Words to Teachers Everywhere...
Yaxche Tearoom, West Palm Beach, FL
(An open letter-poem-thing from every type of student to every type of teacher)
So, you wanna teach me?
You want...to teach me?
What do you want me to learn?
You wanna tell me how to Down Dog?
Up-Sell?
Sidestep?
Back stroke?
You wanna show me how to lay down the law?
Stand up for myself?
Dance in some heels?
Lean into discomfort?
You gonna inspire me to speak my truth?
Squat to the beat?
Run my own business?
Walk away from pain?
Okay, Teacher. Teach me.
But first I need to tell you some things...
Teacher, there's gonna be suffering. You're gonna suffer more than most people. You'll spend a lot of your life building huge mountains, just so you can climb over them...'cuz no one wants a teacher that hasn't climbed over a mountain. So, because of this, you will suffer.
Teacher, you're naturally given different opportunities to be amazing. Not better opportunities, just different. When life throws you lemons, you won't just need to make a Lemon Drop with Grey Goose vodka, you'll need to figure out custom ways someone else can do that, too. Everything you do to heal your own self, will need to be taught. Shared. Exposed.
That's why you're here.
Where you teach compassion, you'll have to have judged people harshly. You'll have to know what that's like and how destructive it is. Where you suggest speaking up, you'll have had to shut up in your own life. You'll need to remember how limiting and frightening and sometimes deadly it is not to express yourself.
Teacher, when you preach "listen to your intuition", you'll have had to numb out and "sheep" your way through a period of time. You'll have to remember all the times and all the years you put your business, your relationships, your weight, your life in someone else's hands, because you thought they knew better. You were certain you didn't know what's right for you. You'll need to teach from this place and empower me to make my own damn choices.
Teacher, when all is said and done, you don't need to be vague. You don't need to use weird cliches to get your point across or to sound qualified. You don't need to tell me to "sit in abundance" or "step into my light". Don't say I'm "embodying my essence" or that I should "drop down into my Heart Chakra" or "access my highest self." I mean, go ahead. Say whatever you want, just back it up with specific examples. Be specific. Say the thing. I'll hear you loud and clear without all that flowery nonsense.
Teacher, in a culture of extremes, you're going to have to find the middle of things. Because you have a special relationship with empathy and healing, you'll still need to find the healthy balance of remembering enough of your own story to help others heal from theirs...and moving the f on from your own pain. This will arguably be one of the hardest parts of your life...and your job.
Teacher, you're gonna need to take care of yourself. A lot. Because you, on many levels, speak all 5 Love Languages, you need them spoken back to you, x's 8. If you are a Yoga Teacher, a Counselor, a Massage Therapist, Fitness Instructor, a Nanny, a School Teacher, etc. You're gonna need more Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time and Acts of Service to balance the energy you're constantly giving away. (You will also need extra hand-sanitizing wipes.) These things will not just be given to you; you will need to ask for them. That's the self-care part. In fact, your job is to practice self-care so hard, that you get paid for it.
Teacher, I just thought you should know these things, so that when you fall apart from time to time, (because you're always susceptible to falling apart and losing your crystals) it won't dissuade or discourage you from being the Teacher, the Healer, the Hungry Student, the Wisdom-Holder, the Truth-Seeker and the Badass you were put here to be. If you can just understand that a little more pain comes with the territory, you won't be scared of showing up for your students, and you'll happily continue balancing childlike curiosity with a quest for wisdom.
Anyway, thanks for listening. You're really good at that.
Love,
One of a Million Ready and Willing Students
Your Gym, Our Gym...My Gym
How lucky I am, to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard -A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Dear Parents,
As we prepare to pack up our gym, and empty the space where incredible memories were made, I realize there are some things I'd like you to know...
I want you to know I don't need to dismantle brightly colored equipment or pack up toys and swings to remind me of my work. I don't need to write farewell emails, change our voicemail greeting, or give last stamps and last hugs in order to solidify my role as a My Gym teacher. I don't need to lose access to our online database, or cry in front of students and parents, to realize my whole heart has been here for a very long time. Bottom line, I don't need to lose this gym in order to know what a gift, pleasure, honor and privilege it has been to watch your children grow, because I've always known how rare and unique this work is.
Over these next few days, we will be burning and shredding the contracts you signed; proof that you are every bit as committed to your child as we are. We will be packing up the equipment we encouraged your children to balance, tumble, walk, climb, rock, flip, swing and hang on. We will, one last time, fold the mats where we taught your children to land on their own two feet. The swings your children couldn't wait to ride will be put into storage and sensory objects--referred to as "Surprises"-- traced by tiny fingers, balanced on precious heads, observed with inquisitive minds will end up somewhere, other than here. These are the elements that kept your children coming back. These are the ingredients, that gave you faith in our program and inspired me to be a lot more here and a lot less there.
And of course, the most important ingredient...Circle Time.
Circle Time really is the best time. Each time I called your children to join me around the Big Red Circle, a little voice whispered to me, pay attention. Hold onto this. Remember. It urged me to listen, with my whole body, to the experiences of being a My Gym teacher. As my students practically fly full speed ahead to plop themselves in a spot that speaks loudly to them, the voice encouraged me to not go through the motions, but to fully absorb children saying their name, sometimes for the first time, mirror my movements and laugh unabashedly. This voice asked me to separate myself from what is irrelevant and unite with what's happening in real-time. It wanted me to acknowledge that every Circle Time could very well be my last and that it ought to be cherished. Circle Time speaks the universal language of connection. It knows there are voices to be heard, songs to be sung, questions to be asked and ideas to be shared. Circle Time solidifies my place in the world as a teacher, and assures me that I'm not the only one who knows how special it is.
To the children, parents, nannies, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, cousins, siblings, Aunts and Uncles who've come into my life, I thank you. I thank you for allowing me to connect with you and your family, for allowing me to witness first steps, first words and bursts of confidence. Thank you for your willingness to engage with me and for allowing me to be so easy with my love. Thank you for seeing my passion for My Gym and for allowing me to show how proud, moved and softened I often felt, seeing your children step out of their comfort zone and move through their wild and carefree lives.
Most of all, I thank you for joining me around the Big Red Circle; for building community, creating intimacy, and for knowing you and your children are very much seen and heard.
How lucky I am...to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
All my love, Teacher
