"I remem..." By, Erica Jacobs
I remember when I didn't have a cell phone
and I wasn't sexually active
and life was simpler,
maybe.
When I'd read storybooks to my stuffed animals,
present each page like my teacher did
at school.
I remember wedding albums;
my Parents',
her parents',
their parents'.
I wanted that
I want that.
I remember my Belle and Beast
figurines
dancing at their pretend wedding
on top of my boom box
to "The Hustle".
I wanted a floor length gown, too;
but not yellow.
I remember the first time I weighed myself
100lbs.
Is that too high?
It's too high.
Right?
The Cinnamon Toast Crunch
so high up, too high up.
I remember the loudness
of the step stool.
Bowl
after bowl
after bowl
after bowl.
I remember sleepovers
"Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board"
"Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board"
I'm anything
but light as a feather.
I remember the first time
I stopped
when I was full
Waited to feel hungry again.
And I did feel hungry again
so I ate.
Stopped when I felt full.
Eat.
Stop.
Repeat.
Eat.
Stop.
Repeat.
Eat.
Talk.
Stop.
Repeat.
Eat.
Watch TV.
Laugh.
Stop.
Still hungry.
Eat.
Repeat.
I remember what it took
to slow down,
to listen,
to chew,
to breathe.
Food,
turns out,
is just food.
So I focus
on other things;
I still want a floor length gown,
a white one.
And a cake.
And a groom.
And a wooden floor
where we dance the Hustle.
You remember
where I'm going with this...
Wholeheartedly,
Erica