Last month I organized a workshop Led by my Anti-Racism Coach, Tina Strawn.

The workshop itself went very well! Tina has developed a unique and very necessary opportunity for white women to look at our role in systemic racism and white supremacy through the lens of Yogic philosophy.

I need to tell you about the days leading up to the workshop and where I, as a white woman, made some huge mistakes, which in turn harmed Tina and the work she and BIPOC share with the world.

I started talking about and advertising this workshop four weeks prior— posting about it on my social media platforms, and sharing in person with friends and Yoga students.

I knew this event wasn’t going to spark the same level of excitement as a spiritual retreat in Costa Rica or a Tupperware party, but I thought at the very least ten people in my life were open, willing and ready to step into a space of self-reflection.

When Tina told me three people signed up a week before the workshop, I was elated and felt even more hopeful more would join.

Not to mention, my white friend and yoga student had offered up her home to host the workshop and she was going to be in attendance, too.

During this time, my posts and ongoing conversations, upheld the importance of this work and maintained an honest, unmistakable description of the subject matter

...that is, until I panicked.

Two days before the workshop, two things happened:

My friend and host of the workshop broke her pelvis in a horse accident but still offered up her home.
Two out of the three people canceled, and since the ticket was non-refundable, I thought it a good idea to donate those two tickets for anyone who’d want to come.

I got desperate.

Not thinking about Tina’s feelings or the impact offering free tickets to this type of event would have, I scrambled to text people and even announced on social media (in BIG, OBNOXIOUS text) that I had two free tickets available and that if your weekend plans fell through, to come to an Anti-Racism & Yoga workshop because, after all, it’s free.

I also did not consider that offering tickets for free allowed for a lesser amount of accountability (or none at all) from white people in anti-racism.

This also gave problematic, resistant, argumentative and overtly racist people free access to a space that must be safe for Tina as a Black woman.

I also realized that offering the workshop for free suggests that money is the barrier to such a workshop when the real barrier is disinterest and apathy.

One of my “catchy” posts the day of the Anti-Racism workshop read: “Sunday plans fall through? Birthday party get canceled? Great! Come to an Anti-Racism & Yoga workshop this afternoon!”

I ignored what I’ve come to learn, which is that Anti-Racism is not something you do when plans fall through, you’re bored or need a way to fill your time. As a result of desperation, panic and just bad marketing, I put Tina in a compromised position and centered my needs over her safety.

Even though the workshop itself went well, my marketing desperation is an example of devaluing Anti-Racism work and causing harm to people of color, particularly Black women who lead conversations with white people on race, power and privilege.